HELEN - The HR Horror

Who is Helen?

Compliance comes first. Always.
 
Address change? Do it yourself.
Benefits question? Check the intranet.
Flexible working request? Rejected.
 
Helen will chase you two months before a mandatory training deadline.
Then remind you again.
And again.
And again.
 
Helen is exhausted - not from people problems, but from a tiny copy-and-paste job she’s been doing since 2014.
She takes 2 to 60 business days to reply to a simple question. And when she does, it’s never an answer - just a link. The intranet has all the details. Even when it doesn’t.
 
The Doll
 
Helen’s pretend heart isn’t just cold, it’s nailed to her shirt, hanging there as a reminder that empathy was once considered. On her back: a three-option checkbox symbol:
Empathy ⬜
Culture ⬜
Compliance ☑
 
Height: 12 cm
Comes in a coffin-shaped box
Includes:
Character card
Ritual card
Mood Killer pin
 
Select one or more add-ons to elevate the experience even further.
 
The Ritual Card (Included)
 
Each Helen comes with a ritual card featuring:
4 defining characteristics
A darkly funny origin story explaining how she became this way
Her weakness (no, it’s not empathy)
Her character sound (you have heard it)
The nickname people use behind her back - strictly off the record
 
Perfect For
 
People who deal with HR far too often
Anyone who leaves compliance training until the last minute
Gifting to someone who’s leaving (and survived Helen)
Someone who works in HR - or is traumatised by it
People who love novelty collectibles with dark humour
 
Stab the stress out. Tick the compliance box. Reclaim your time.
 
Training Survival Rating
★☆☆☆☆
(Completion mandatory. Enjoyment optional.)
 
This item is a pre-order.
Orders are expected to ship around April-May 2026.
 
Packaging & Details
 
Doll height: 12 cm
Box size: 14.5 × 11 × 6 cm
Doll weight: 35 g
Boxed weight: 110 g
Packaging: Coffin-shaped box that includes: 1 corporate voodoo doll, 1 character card, 1 ritual card, and 1 mood killer pin
 
⚠️ WARNING: NOT A TOY (16+)This item is intended for adult use only. It is a novelty (stress relief) collectibles product and is not suitable for children. Contains small parts and sharp components (e.g., pins). Keep out of reach of children and pets. Not for play.